Jaime and Me

There are several terms for "Gotcha Day" in the adoption community. Sometimes it's called Family Day but I like to think every day is family day in our family. Basically, "Gotcha Day" is the day when the judge granted me custody of Jaime. The day he said, "She's yours...forever."

I'm going to copy and paste (with a few changes) a message I posted to the World Partner's forum this morning. It says what I want to say. I apologize if I've left anyone out. It's not that I've forgotten or don't appreciate all the things people have done for me. There's just such a long list.

Well, folks, believe it or not today marks our one year anniversary as a family! So here I go...
What my daughter has taught me in the last year, you can't learn from a book or even from another mother. It has to come from your child.

In the past year I've learned that no matter how badly you screw up, your child will always love you.
I've learned that there's no embarrassment in a child that screams for 18 hours and keeps all the other passengers awake. You're never going to see them again, anyway.
I've learned that kids are extremely resilient and their heads are hard. Things that would kill adults (or at least put us in bed feeling sorry for ourselves) don't phase kids much at all.
I've learned that it's okay to grow 5 inches in a year. It's got to hurt,though.
I've learned that Children's Tylenol and Motrin are miracles and one should never be without them. I've also learned that if you do run out, get out the ATM card because you're going to have to buy them in a convenience store for 3 times the going rate...but it's worth it.
I've learned that Mommy kisses cure almost any boo-boo. Hugs are good, too.
I've learned that even if a child spends most of their waking hours in the care of others, they still know who Mommy is and wait impatiently for her.
I've learned that love at first sight is possible and even probable.
I've learned that IA specialists can be wrong.
I've learned circuses are better than nights out with friends, trips to Grandma and Grandpa's are better than trips to Las Vegas and kids toys are more fun than grown up toys.
I've learned who JoJo, Croaky, Trina, Tater, Skeebo, Dinky and Mrs. Kersplatski are. I still have no idea who the kid with the flower pot on his head is but he keeps showing up.
I've learned how to do laundry in the middle of the night, dishes during nap time and housework....whenever.
I've learned who my true friends are. Turns out they're the same friends I'd had all along.
I've learned it's okay to ask for help when you need it.
I've learned how to make a kid poop, how to keep them from pooping so much, how to cure a variety of diaper rashes, how to figure out what's a serious injury or illness as well as what's not.
I've learned the ear thermometers are SO much easier than any other kind.
I've learned that Shout and all fabric bleach should be required in every laundry load.
I've learned that one of the great joys in life is hearing a child say, "I love you" for the first time and every time after that.
I've learned that little girls' kisses are magic and their hugs can put everything into perspective.
I've learned driving a minivan isn't all THAT embarrassing.
I've learned the "5 second rule."
I've learned that cat food won't hurt kids.
I've learned that pretty much everything will pass in time - tantrums, kicking, pinching, hair pulling and pennies.
I've learned that love is not formed by blood. If it were, no one would ever get married.
I've learned how to get most stains out of most surfaces.
I've learned all the words to "Baby Beluga" and the JoJo songs.
I've learned how to do the "Chicken Dance" and a bunch of the Wiggles dances.
I've learned that doing the "Chicken Dance" or any of the Wiggles dances in Walmart draws stares...especially if you're alone.
I've learned that there's nothing like waking up to your child snuggled against you in bed or waking you with a kiss and a big smile.
I've learned that I probably won't have a heart attack every time she falls or almost falls.
I've learned that a lot of the things I worried about never happened and a lot that happened weren't things I even thought of.
I've learned to have a thick skin and a soft heart.

While Jaime's taught me a lot, she's also made me forget things.

I've forgotten the heartache, tears, fears and pain of being childless.
I've forgotten the heartache, tears, fears and pain involved in the adoption process.
I've forgotten how to be selfish.
I've forgotten what a martini tastes like (darn it!) and how it makes mefeel.
I've forgotten how to be spontaneous.
I've forgotten what it's like to sleep in a bed without 10 pillows and two guardrails.
I've forgotten what it feels like to sleep through the night.
I've forgotten what it's like to stay up all night and watch movies then sleep until noon.
I've forgotten what my life was like before Jaime - I don't think it'sworth remembering.

One year ago, a stern, "elderly" judge in Uralsk, Kazakhstan proclaimed us a family, forever. I had no idea what he was saying because it was all in Russian. I read about it later in the paperwork they gave me. I've read those papers a million times in the last year. I often wonder if that judge knows how he changes people's lives. I hope he knows that I will be forever grateful to him.

One year ago, I whisked a screaming baby away from everything she'd ever known. I cried because a dream had finally come true. She cried because it was a nightmare to her. We all piled into Vladimir's Lada and waved paka-paka.

Both Jaime and I were exhausted, terrified and wondering what in heaven's name we'd gotten ourselves in to.

While a judge in Kazakhstan made me a mother, in the past year, Jaime has made me a mommy. She's come so far and I often feel I'm just along for the ride. She's such an amazing child; beautiful, smart, affectionate, and has a true way with animals. She's changed from Sasha, the funny looking, terrified, crankous, screaming baby to Jaime, the beautiful, fearless, hilarious, happy, laughing preschooler.

She's my friend, my confidant, my comfort and the love of my life. She cheers me up when I'm blue, wipes my tears when I cry, makes me laugh when I need it most and puts everything into perspective. It's been a wild ride so far and it's only begun. I can't wait to see what the future holds for us.

So, on this one year anniversary, I'd like to thank a few people ( I feel like I'm getting an Oscar!) At the top of the list is Susan who kept me on the straight and narrow when I couldn't even see the path anymore. Jim and Cindy who scrambled to find Jaime and who answered all my stupid questions so patiently. My dad who went with me to Uralsk and kept me grounded - even at 35,000 feet. Olga and her minions who walked us so patiently through the process. The sisters and their minions who made sure we were well cared for, safe and where we had to be when we had to bethere. My friend, Phil, who held me while I cried when I lost Sveta and who met me at the airport when I got home with Jaime...even though I asked him not to...he was right, I was wrong. My friend, Leatha, who always shows up when I need her, even though I know it's an inconvenience. My social worker, Linda, who overlooked the fact that I'm the world's worst housekeeper. My family who accepted Jaime immediately and spoils her rotten. My friends on and off this board who supported me, helped me, answered questions and pretended I wasn't the dullest knife in the drawer. The judge in Uralsk who said, "Yes!" And a zillion others who are not forgotten but probably misplaced :) There's also a woman somewhere in Kazakhstan, or maybe Russia, who gave birth to Jaime on a hot June day and who deserves my undying gratitude.

And, of course, my beautiful daughter, Jaime, who waited for me to get it together. Happy "Gotcha Day", sweetheart.

So, without further ado...I present my daughter on the day we became a family and one year later.

This photo was actually taken on the 13th but it's such a good one, I had to add it in. It gives you a real idea of the changes in just a year. 

November 14, 2003. Dressed for the weather and ready to leave the babyhouse. 

Riding away from everything she'd ever known - new name, new family, new life. Check out the upholstery in the Lada. Don't see that every day :) 

This photo was actually taken in the apartment in Almaty the next day, I think. But it shows the little girl I took out of the babyhouse - and yes, this was her typical look those first days. 

Trying to pose like a model...I wonder if they make pants like that in my size. They're nice, flannel lined and SO warm. 

One year later...dressed for the weather. 

And today...